Hey! 3-2 just got over

Ah! I am alive, sitting in a wooden chair, in a mood to kick hard the half naked Belsare sleeping on the bed.

Just a passing thought of the many mistakes that were made.. makes me realize that.. Taking a transfer to A group was the biggest mistake I ever made. Yes, there are trade-offs associated with a partial route change. There are pluses, surely, lots of them are there. But some things are not so obvious. You can't just see them coming.

With 3-2 at BITS - Pilani over, the bonds just got broken, the self imposed shackles lifted; love is calling and life ready to return. But again, am I trying to run ahead of time?

My birthday is 22nd July, 1989. Probably, what lady luck gifted me with - it will have to be returned.

Change II

There is something about my city which never changes. That something has been here since last hundred years and probably it will not change for at least a hundred more years. I was loving it till a few months ago or maybe I still love it. It is stability and the predictability which inevitably associates itself with everything stable. Nothing changes here rapidly.

Some things do not change at all, just like the bad state of roads. Some things had to and have to change as the world scales new heights of progress. But the changes in the lifestyle of people or the look of this place are so predictable with time that I almost always correctly predict when the house at the corner would have new residents or when which one of my friends will change his mobile. Every development in the outer world appears in this city after half a decade or so.

People have been complaining of the stagnant life in this place. But still, everyone feels assured and secured in his or her heart to know that today was same as yesterday, and tomorrow will not be different from today at all. That is the very reason for them to continue with their mundane lives. Yes that is true, I can tell you as I have felt the same. The fact that now makes me feel unsecure and uncomfortable is that such a sense of security is always false, though the sense of regularity may be true. The trouble always strikes you right at the moment when you are most unprepared to face it;it was an axiomatic statement, wasn't it? Mr. Murphy is always ready with a spear near your chest, ready to pierce your heart, and the acceptance of his theory should turn you into a sadist, which is why I reject to be daunted by such unexpected troubles.

But, the realization that I am missing out on everything that is changing in the world when I sit here makes me shift in my chair. But again the thought of facing something which I have never seen or faced makes me sit back in the age old creeking chair of stability and pushes me to follow the tradition. I feel as if I am glued to the pandemonium of thoughts.

"This is actually what keeps most of us going." As these words by a BITS - Pilani alumni keep bouncing in my thick walled brain, I get confused as to whether the search of stability will prevent me from exploring what is there to explore in my life. The Tibetan in the train with "Is peace so different?" on his tshirt reminds me of the eternal search of mankind for a stable happy life after going through a lot of unwanted changes. Our ancestors were also kind enough on us to guide us on how to trudge along through the tough changing times, but never told us how to run in the great times. Why do the folk stories explain in great detail the times of changing balances and always end up in "And they lived happily ever after", always keeping us unaware of the changes in those happier times, making us falsely belive that nothing changed except what we expected to change in the period after the end of story?

Maybe M.K.Gandhi was right, peace was never the end, peace is actually the road, and peace HAS to be the road. Maybe he has actually said something which can help me out of this tedium. Maybe change is the only thing in life which remains the same, and the change in the amount of time to bring about a certain change is known as progress. Tomorrow may bring shining sun or it may bring clouds of darkness, who knows? Why be confused?

By the way, I am back from the Annual AID conference in Bangaluru, where me and Rahul represented the Pilani chapter and I have a lot to write about. (Remember Jessi in Kyle XY s2?) I hope my patience doesn't run out this time.

A random poem

I am the last person who would adore a poem. Or maybe that’s what I thought till sometime ago when this poem, stored in some random folder of my comp caught my eye. I have copied some words off it. I actually adore the last four lines. A different but less effective version can be found here. Go ahead, derive your inspiration...

Part 1:-

I run my fastest
But still get beat.
I land on my head
When I should be on my feet.
I try to move forward,
But I am stuck in rewind.
Why do I keep at it?

Part 2:-

The harder I am thrown,
The higher I bounce.
I give it my all,
And that’s all that counts.

My perseverance is my excellence

Make the best of each moment,
The future is soon the past.
The more I tell myself this,
The less I come in last.

A plain and clear lesson
Giving up is the easy way out.

Part 3:-
So every night before I go to bed, I hope in a small way I have shined. Tomorrow is a brand-new day, And I won’t be left behind.

Freed!

Oasis is here. BITS - Pilani will again be on a roll. Euphoria, kay kay are coming.

What I am upto? Targetting a sell in five figures (or maybe six figures this time?) at NSS Oasis stall. AID calendars are arriving. AID - Pilani has also rolled up its sleeves. Guys like him are now trying to change the world around.

I hope that photography club exhibition will showcase one or two pics of mine. Never have the time to do much clicking and photoshopping. :(

I have also purchased a ticket for a hasyakavi sammelan by Surendra Sharma and likes. I am feeling the freedom even in my room hearing to Pink Floyd, U2 and now Decibel. I am eating a lot again. And I am missing someone badly.

I am working on my formal project also. Guess I will have to take the laptop to the NSS stall, to read after 2 in night.

And yeah, I will link the blogs of my friends soon. I feel sorry for the recent sorry state of this blog. Hope Oasis adds some cheer to it. Yes I am free...

Overflowed

There are too many things that have happened and are happening around. I wanted to write, I thought, I thought a lot.. But it's just that the thoughts did not want to rest in a blog. The stack has been overflowing since long.

When I add this sentence by scrolling up in this draft, I find myself to have written some confessions - abstract or direct. They came from within. And yeah, it is not an attempt to grab eyeballs by writing the word confessions. Doesn't matter whether you read this self-centered post or not, you won't miss anything if you don't read it. Well that's how my blog posts have been which I realized very late, feels lite after writing.

Why was it because I found myself so changed and ever changing after 2-1? Not because I screwed it or got involved in a long distance relation but maybe because I realized what is possible and the knowledge came at too great a pace. It disturbed me, it sent shivers all over my brain, but yet it felt amazingly wonderful. The initial ripples in 1-2 turned out to be an indication of a whirlpool of knowledge. I found a mentor.

It started in 2-2. There were just too many people who were working for the posts and not the responsibilities of a post. Somebody made the decisions. I argued. I doubted. I still feel bad about it. I just wish to see the truthfulness again that once I saw in his face. I know irrespective of how much I valued the time spent with him, it doesn't matter to him. Still I will always cherish those moments.

Then I see Mumbai. The utterly overpopulated life of the city in a terrible weather. I was so desperate to get some rest with the loved ones. Had I not been to Pune twice, I might have broken down away in loneliness.

And now there were two fake mails. I could not have been more disturbed and angry at the same time. Just another person who wanted credits and figured out a miserable thing to do. A culprit of jealousy and depleted self confidence.

I just wish we could have discussed something else when she called me to meet her. How and why a third person is supposed to come in between our relations? Why the last meeting was not a pleasant one for me? And why did it confirm my choice to stay away in 2-2 and now in 3-1?

From that time I had promised myself, I will not do it. But such a rational and logical and reasonable and pathetic person I have promised myself to be, I decided logically. Yes, I did some things voluntarily. Anyways logic was shown a middle finger by BITS - Pilani students. But after reading some of the recent confessions on web/ blogs, I indeed feel that my personal choice of opting out was right.

I firmly believe that nobody deserves anything, one has to prove himself. I decided to vote Avinash for Hrep since he was very sincere. He did not boast of a last year's win. A candidate who wants to be a leader of masses should know that he needs to get out of his comfort zone, communicate with people. And yeah, I met the Two of them, a boy and a girl whom I loved till few months before for what they were; they failed miserably to communicate. There can be no denial to the truth - nobody works without an incentive, exceptions excluded. But one does not tend to accept mistakes as well. Blame it on the others. Move attention to vulgar dances of joy. Ways can always be figured out to do the things rightly, it's just that we need to get out of our comfort zones. Maybe Atin is right, BITS Pilani isn't full of stupid people, but it is full of people with rigid attitudes.

Just for the people who took the pains of reading all this crap, I did not attempt to comment any issue. What I wrote was an outcome of my understanding of situations, a product of my beliefs and my regrets. As I had a three hour call with a dear person last night, I told her about many things I had never told anyone.. yes the best to relax is to sit down, confess to a loved one and think. I love my blog and I love to think.

I wish I could go back to the Amravati life where I could stay like a lazy sloth. No its not possible now. Had I realized before that 2006 was to be the last year I would spend in my home not as a visitor, I could have and should have loved my city more.

I am into 3-1 and have scored less than 50% in more than 50% tut tests. Pursuing a dream, trying to get resources, just to know that not everybody likes to work with the pace of BITSians. Got a promotion yesterday and I thank everybody concerned for that. Life at BITS - Pilani always takes a new turn every semester. The campus life leads you on different paths of a labyrinth so you are prepared with your basics. Gather what comes your way .. courage, beliefs, knowledge, love, passion, friendships and an aim.

Alone.Calm.Period.